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Talkin’
Walkin' Heart Attack Blues
(Mark Barker)
Well I had some chest pains last year so I went to see the man
I said "Doc what's my problem", and he came up with a plan
He said we'd have to draw some blood to check my cholesterol
And when the test results came back that they'd give me a call
So in a few days the phone rings and on the other end
I recognize his nurse's voice and she says "Come on in,
The doctor needs to speak with you, he's got some things to say"
I said, "Nurse, let me find my shoes and I'll be on my way"
When I get there she takes me back and puts me in this room
She says the doctor's on the phone but he'll be with me soon
And sure enough it wasn't long till he walks through the door
I said "Doc, what's the verdict?", then he gives me the score
Chorus:
"Son this might make you blue
But I got bad news for you
Your test results came back
And you're a walkin' heart attack"
He said my LDL is high and my HDL is low
And from looking at my levels I should have been dead long ago
He said, "You can ignore this if you want to kill yourself
Just go on livin' like you do and forget about your health"
Then he said I must change my ways, and he looks me in the eyes
And said, "From lookin' at that paunch you could use some exercise
You'll have to quit your cigarettes and your drinking days are done
In fact you'll have to give up anything that's any fun
I might put you on niacin, we could try some Lipitor
More vegetables and fruit would be in order and what's more
You can forget those T-Bone steaks, no more ice cream and pie
From now on you'll eat rabbit food 'less you're hankerin' to die"
2nd
Chorus:
"Now Son, that's about all
Just watch your cholesterol
Cause your levels out of whack
You're a walkin' heart attack"
Well I took the doc's advice to heart and I made myself a vow
And since that day I've changed my ways, I'm a different person now
I've traded in my steaks and chops for hummus and tofu
Broccoli and garbanzo beans just to name a few
I even went and signed myself up for aerobics class
But a diet of legumes and sprouts' enough to give you gas
My cholesterol's under control, I've dropped 30 pounds or more
I don't even slightly resemble the slob I was before
But my life is pretty boring now I'm living like a nun
I reckon that's the price you pay for having too much fun
So when my buddies come around and say let's drink some beer
I can still hear that old sawbones' words ringin' in my ear
3rd Chorus:
"Son this ain't no joke
You're bound to have a stroke
Your vessels' full of plaque
You're a walkin' heart attack" |
